Condom Brands

Which condom would you use….

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can’t stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren’t you glad you use it? Don’t you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey– you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who’s next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can’t have just one.

Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.

The Carl’s Jr. Condom: If it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face…

General Electric: We bring good things to life!

AT&T condom: ‘Reach out and touch someone.’

Bounty: The quicker picker upper.

Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?

Energizer: It keeps going and going and going….

M&M condom: ‘It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!’

Chevron: use them? people do.

Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border

MCI: for friends and family

Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter

Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta’s ready when you are

United Airlines travel pack: Fly United

The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

Wendy Condoms: Where’s the beef?

Denny’s Condoms: $1.99 Grand Slam

Mazda Condom: It Just Feels Right!

Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!

McDonalds condom: Over 99 billion served

Hewlett Packard condoms: Expanding Possibilities

Burger King: Have it your way

Dairy Queen: We treat you right

AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it’s #1

Three Dickless Guys

There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor’s. The first guy says, “Doctor, doctor, you’ve got to help me!” “What’s the problem?” asks the doctor.

“I have no dick!”

So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The next guy comes in and says, “Doctor, doctor, you’ve got to help me!”

“What’s wrong?” the doctor asks.

“I have no dick!”

The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.

A week later,the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!”

“Why?” asks the doctor.

“Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!” He walks out.

The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, “Doctor! I hate you!”

“Why?” the doctor asks.

“Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters up there!” He walks out.

The last guy with the electrical dick walks in and says, “Doctor, doctor! I love you, I love you!”

“Why?”

“Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, her boobs light up!”

Gay man’s last fun

Three Americans died overseas in the war. The General of the three was sent to each of the houses to inform their spouses.

He went to the first man’s house and told the man’s wife of the tragic news. She cried for a moment and the General asked her what she wanted to do with his body.’

‘Well,”she said,”he loved to fish so I would like to have his body creamated and his ashes spread over the lake so he can be forever with his fish. “And it was done.

The General went and informed the second man’s wife. She too cried and was then asked what was to be done with his body? “She said, “Well,he loved to hunt, so I think it would be great if we could have him creamated and have his ashes scattered over the forrests so he can be forever with the creatures that he loved so much.”

The third man was gay. The General was a little hesitant but proceeded in telling the man’s husband the bad news. The man cried and screamed for well over an hour and then finally calmed down enough to hear the General’s question.”What would you like to do with his body?”

The gay man reesponded, “Well,my husband was a good man, but he was not very outgoing. He didn’t like to do anything outside the house. He was the best lover I ever had. He was amazing in bed. He loved my chili too. I loved him so much. Well,the only logical thing to do is to have his body cremated, make some chili for dinner,throw his ashes in, and let him burn my ass up one more time!”